First Place

Best Over-All Performance

&

Male Lead Category

    

Andrew Gleckler

Third Place

Leanne Huffman ​

1st Place Character Category

Fifth Place

George Triplett

Male Lead Category

Seventh Place

Peter Starr

Character Category

Ninth Place

Konstantin Podprugin

Male Lead Category

El Wax

By Lorine Rivas
 

 

Woo… Okay, this is colder than I remember. Just breath in-breath out. Relax. Why’d we even wait so long? We always tell her “See you in three weeks!”, yet here we are seven weeks later with a jungle in our crotch and no George in sight. Stupid.

 

We better come up with a good excuse before she comes in and says, “Oh yo hair so long. Why you no come sooner,” and what’re we gonna tell her, we were in a coma? Nah, too dramatic. Let’s just tell her we were traveling… yeah traveling, that’s more believable. But she’ll say “Ohhh vacation, that’s nice, where you go?” and what’re we gonna tell her Cancun, Miami, No Alaska, Yes, Alaska, cold is perfect.

 

Oh shit, okay, here she comes. Wait, why’s she so quiet… that’s weird… did I fart? Oh damn, that’s caliente, that’s very hot! And no warning? Just like that? Okay. Brace yourself lil mama this is gonna hurrrrrrrrtttt. Santa Maria Madre de dios. This lady is pisssssssed! Dannnggg, why’s she so mean. She just pulled that strip like a carpet out of a living room! Vajayjay… are you still there?

View 2017's Top Ten Monologues